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Dear Parents and Guardians, Our focus skill for the day is taking a break. Taking a break is a strategy to help calm our thoughts and feelings in order to be better able to attend to academics, activities, social situations, etc. One type of break that can be done anywhere is called the Turtle Shell. Turtle shell is done by putting your head down (in a turtle shell position). This is a great skill to use in response to verbal conflicts between siblings, peers, or when feeling stressed with work and needing to take a brief mental break. Breaks can also be taken away from the group (in a child’s room, designated calm corner, etc.). All calm and in control strategies can be used while taking a break (breathing, counting, positive thoughts, relaxing thoughts, tighten and relax muscles, think of rewards, etc.). Depending on your child and his/her emotional response, time and space without any interaction may be needed during the break. Other children may need encouragement to take a break and may need support processing feelings and identifying strategies to cope. Breaks are intended to increase participation in the expected activity by helping to return the body to a calmer state and then resuming the activity, rather than being used as an avoidance of work, chores, etc. Suggestions for using this skill: ● Create a “break spot” at home for your child to go to when feeling escalated. This spot may have a coloring option, stuffed animal, or other sensory/quiet options to help them get calm. ● Ask your child if they want to create a nickname for this spot (chill out zone, courageous corner, etc.). If this spot is viewed as a positive place, they are more likely to use it. ● Try to help your child use the type of break that is needed Calming break:a few minutes without stimulation or the use of a calming object such as a stuffed animal. As adults, we may read a book or look at a magazine for a few minutes. Distraction break:a break with the purpose of shifting negative thoughts patterns by thinking about something more positive or neutral. This may be a break to color, do a puzzle for a few minutes, complete a maze, etc. Sometimes just a few minutes of focusing on something else can increase positive thoughts and positive feelings helping your child to be more available for the expected activity. As adults, we may do Solitaire or Sudoku. Movement break: sitting still and focusing can be very difficult especially for long time periods. Encourage movement breaks with exercises, dancing to a song, or movements that stimulate both sides of the brain such as alternating right elbow to left knee and then left elbow to right knee. Stretching or yoga exercises can also be used. In school, teachers look for signs of escalation, lack of focus, or boredom and often engage students in one of the above breaks depending on what is needed at the time. They often set timers when students take breaks. Some resources for breaks include: ● Visual timer: https://www.online-stopwatch.com/countdown-clock/full-screen/Timers can also be used during reading or academics so children can view the amount of time left for the activity. It can also be used for playing, free time, video game limits, etc. It can may be easier to avoid a power struggle by the timer indicating time is up rather than having the direction come from an adult. ● Gonoodle.com: You can create a free parent account to have access to both short active exercises and mindful/calming exercises. Calming activities can be found under the channels Flow, Think About It, and Empower Tools. If your homeschooling experience is going like many parents around the country, there are plenty of opportunities to use breaks throughout the day (for both the students and adults ☺). This is an adjustment for everyone. Hopefully as parents, we can use our own affirmations/self-talk such as I am patient, I am flexible, or I will get through thisas we take on the new role of teacher. Please reach out if you need anything from any member of your child’s school team. I hope you all have a wonderful day. Sincerely, Marissa Lloyd, LPCMH

Today’s focus skill is talking by identifying and expressing feelings. Especially when the stress level is high, there can be a tendency to communicate feelings through behavior. For example, a child who feels frustrated with work may communicate that frustration through work refusal, disrespectful language, or possibly unsafe or aggressive behavior. Encourage your child to share feelings and reinforce that you are better able to help them when they use their words. If they share that that work is too hard or confusing, offer help, break or request assistance from their teacher. Help them understand the connection that using words helps solve problem, but that engaging in behaviors to communicate often causes more problems. Suggestions for using this skill: ● Model language by sharing your feelings (I feel stressed, I feel excited, I feel proud, etc.). The more children are exposed to a calm expression of feelings, the more likely they will be able to use them too. ● Notice how your child is feeling and use supportive statements such as, you seem frustrated, annoyed, etc. They may not realize exactly how they are feeling and may need your support to recognize and express those feelings. ● Use a nonjudgmental and validating approach to feelings. Rather than just saying, don’t worry, everything is fine, validate feelings by saying, I get why you are feeling that way or I understand. ● Reinforce that all feelings are OK however, all behaviors are not OK. For example, feeling frustrated about your work is OK, refusing to do it is not OK. Feeling mad that you lost the game is OK, throwing the video game controller is not OK. Identify and practice replacement behaviors for these situations. ● When reading books or watching TV, have your child identify the different feelings of characters. Ask how they know the character feels that way (loud voice, tight muscles, facial expression, etc.). ● Do a feelings charades game with your family by taking turns acting out and guessing each other’s feelings. ● Stay connected with close friends and family through phone, video chatting, etc. Keep communicating with your loved ones and include your children during these connections. If possible, help to facilitate (with other parents) having your child talk or video chat with friends, classmates, or teammates to continue to support those important social connections. Be mindful of texting and apps and monitor your child’s communications frequently if they use these tools independently. During this time of isolation, it can feel lonely and scary for kids (and for us). Encourage your child to FaceTime close friends or family members with you. They can share how they are feeling or just share anything that they may be doing. -Marissa & The Resilient Kids team

Today’s focus skill is using our Shield of Courage.The shield is made up of positive beliefs that can be used as self-talk. Especially during times of stress, we may feel a loss of control and therefore react with a fight/flight/freeze response by engaging in aggression (verbally or physically), running from difficulties, or getting “stuck”. The shield is used to remind us of our unconditional qualities that do not change based on circumstances and they don’t go away because of mistakes or inappropriate choices. Our shield provides us with protection from stressful situations (changes, difficult work, unwanted chores, negative statements from others, limits, etc.). The shield is used to help us stay focused on the present, our “job” at the moment, and help us be our best. The shield includes the affirmations: I am important I am courageous. I am strong. I can do hard things. Suggestions for using this skill: ● Review and practice belief statements/affirmation and create a shield for home (please see below). If desired, have all family members decorate a shield and feel free to add new belief statements of your own creation. Remember, these skills are for everyone ☺ ● Empower your child to use positive beliefs/statements especially during difficult times. ● Create a family shield or family belief statements/affirmations. Use statements such as we are safe and healthy, we can get through difficult times, problems are opportunities to learn and grow, problems can make us stronger, etc. ● The middle of the shield has four parts. Each part represents basic needs for all human beings (a sense of belonging, mastery, independence, and generosity). Every person will try to meet these needs in their lives; some people will use healthy ways and others will use unhealthy ways. As child therapists, we constantly remind ourselves of these four basic needs and we view behavior as an attempt to meet each need. Use this strategy at home. For example, think of the situation where your kitchen floor is covered with an accidental cracked egg in addition to other spilled food from your child’s attempt to make things on his/her own. Your initial reaction might be to yell about making a mess, but alternatively, you could think that he/she is trying to meet the need of independence. You could encourage him/her to further develop the sense of independence by cleaning it all up on his/her own too ☺. Let’s continue to be understanding and curious about our children’s behavior and try to identify the need they are trying to meet. Together, we will get through this. Hope you all have a wonderful day. Sincerely, Marissa Lloyd, LPCMH

Dear Parents and Guardians, Today’s focus skill is compliments. Although the purpose of this skill is to be able to use social skills, it is also a skill to help with perception by being able to look for and notice the positive in others. Especially during stressful situations, it can be hard to notice positive qualities in others. Take time today to: Share with your child one compliment regarding how he/she has coped and handled the recent changes. Provide a general compliment related to unconditional qualities/strengths (kind, thoughtful, etc.). Ask him/her how it feels having received the compliment. Ask your child to identify strengths of each family member. Sometimes, we tend to focus on the things that bother us about others so this is a time to celebrate each other. Because focusing on strengths can be hard, your child might need some help to identify strengths and positive qualities about others. Notice when your child gives someone a compliment and provide reinforcement (“thank you for saying that, it makes me feel _____”, “It was nice how you complimented _____”). Please feel free to reach out to us throughout this time away from school. We hope you and your family stay safe and healthy! Sincerely, Marissa Lloyd, LPCMH #childrenscopingskills #childrensmentalhealth #COVID19 #behaviorchart #emotionalregulation

Dear Parents and Guardians, We hope you are all doing as well as expected given the current circumstances. During this time away, we will be sending a daily email with a suggested social, emotional, behavioral practice activity. As a reminder, all skills are intended for everyone (kids and adults) and they are strategies that can be used anytime and anywhere. Have fun with each skill and try to find opportunities together to practice the skill throughout the day. Below you will find the calendar of focus skills to practice at home. The first focus skill is using a 5-point scale to gain an awareness of our current level of stress. Lately, there have been so many unexpected changes and we have all had to make adjustments to our lives very quickly. When this happens, we often don’t stop to truly recognize how we are feeling. When we don’t take this time to notice how we are feeling both emotionally and physically, we are less likely to give our body what it needs. The 5-point scale gives children a way to communicate their current level of functioning. Prior to identifying the number that represents the current level of stress, lead you child through a body scan with the language below. Let’s take a moment to pay attention to our bodies. 1. Start with your head. Place your hands on your head. Notice your thoughts. Are your thoughts calm and relaxed or are they fast and swirling? 2. Place your hands on your heart. Is it beating fast or slow? 3. Place your hands on your stomach. Is your breathing fast or slow? Is it shallow (short breaths) or deep (long breaths)? 4. Put your hands in your lap. Check in with your body. Are your muscles tight and tense or calm and relaxed? 5. Put one hand on your chest and one hand on your stomach. Try a slow deep breath and see if you can get the hand on your stomach to move in and out. Try it one more time. 6. Think to yourself I am OK. There are no right or wrong answers to the questions in the body scan and our answers and feelings will change throughout the day. The answers just give us information about how we feel in the moment. Now, that you have some answers, take time to identify what number best represents your current level of stress (or any feeling). Tips for using the scale: ● Check in with your child throughout the day to see what number they are at on the scale. Notice for yourself too. Your child may be at a 5 on the inside but not be showing it on the outside. ● It is OK to be a 1 or a 5 as long as we are being safe. The number and our feelings will change throughout the day. When we know what number we are at, we will be better able to take care of ourselves. ● Any feeling can be related to any number on the scale. For example, a 5 could indicate feeling mad, silly, or excited. The number 5 represents the intensity of the feeling. ● Identify strategies that can be used at home when feeling high on the scale. Does your child need a hug or time alone? Do they need a break and a calming activity? Brainstorm strategies that may be helpful at each number on the scale. As parents, we are up and down throughout the day on our 5-point scales so please take time for self-care for yourself. Throughout this time at home, our daily emails are intended to provide you with skills that you can use at each of the stages on the scale. Many are preventative strategies to use when feeling at a 1 or 2 but many others will include coping skills to support your child (and us adults) when we are feeling at a more heightened state. Please feel free to reach out to us throughout this time away from school. We hope you and your family stay safe and healthy! Sincerely, Marissa Lloyd, LPCMH

Dear Parents and Guardians, As we all are coping with the ongoing uncertainty with the impact of COVID-19, we wanted to offer some additional resources to support you and your child(ren) during this extended time period at home. Unexpected changes and uncertainty often come with a variety of uncomfortable feelings and a sense of loss of control. The purpose of these resources is to provide you with tools to continue to provide you child(ren) with a sense of structure, routine, and predictability to promote a sense of well-being and resiliency during this difficult time. Although parents and educators have always valued mental health and the importance of social/emotional/behavioral skills, now more than ever, these skills are vital to our new everyday life. In school, students are used to a highly structured program throughout the school day. Although a home setting can never truly replicate that structure and routine of a full school day, there are some components of the school day that can be implemented at home. Below are some of the main components of school-wide behavior approaches that we find to be beneficial for all students. You may consider implementing the following supports that are used at school during this time period at home: ● Daily positive and empowering language: Focus on the positive and recognize strengths and good choices. Try to use five positive comments for every one negative or neutral comment. Use a fun and engaging approach to all expectations. Use empowering statements on a consistent basis (we can do hard things and we are stronger when we support each other). ● Daily visual schedule: Create a schedule of expected activities that include both fun/reinforcing activities along with daily chores and academic assignments. Each day include a list of “have to”s (chores, daily self-care, academics, etc.) and “want to”s (choice activities picked by your child). Some of the “have to”s may need to be completed before the “want to”s. This is consistent with the natural structure of school (expected activities need to be completed and then there is often flexibility for fun activities). ● Managing behaviors: When negative behaviors occur (because they will ☺) process the situation with your child. Help your child learn from the experience, provide opportunities to practice replacement skills, and provide reassurance and unconditional support regardless of behavior. View behavioral difficulties in a similar way as noticing academic difficulties (notice the mistake, provide extra help and practice, and focus on what was learned). ● Sticker charts and reward systems: Reinforce positive behavior at any time throughout the day through compliments and words of appreciation. Although we want our children to be intrinsically motivated, extrinsic rewards may be beneficial for children. During this time of uncertainty, seeing a tangible reward can be reassuring and feel more concrete. Use a system you are used to at home or use the sample star chart made. If multiple children are at home they can work to complete the chart together. Teamwork and connection is important especially during this time. Make a star on the chart each time you observe your child following a rule, demonstrating positive behavior, or using a skill from this program. Home-based rewards can be used when star charts are filled. See enclosed sample of home-based rewards along with additional star charts. ● Realistic expectations: Since this is a time of uncertainty, it is expected that children will exhibit challenging feelings and behaviors. Create a balance of love and limits by providing an understanding and validation of feelings while at the same time having structure, consistency, and expectations. Children will mirror the reactions of adults so the more calm and present we are, the calmer they will feel. ● Time for fun and exercise: Recess is a daily activity at school that is non- negotiable (recess is not taken away as a consequence). Take time during the day for fun and exercise. Put on music and dance at home, exercises together, or go for a walk. Sign up for gonoodle.com for additional movement exercises along with mindfulness activities. Look for family friendly shows or movies to spend time together and use a deck of cards to play games and have fun together. ● Practice coping skills: Included in our resources is a 6-week calendar of social, emotional, and behavioral skills. The Skill of the Week program is is intended to provide support to educators and families specifically during this difficult time. Post your calendar on your refrigerator and refer to it daily. Each day, practice the calm and in control strategy. All skills are intended for everyone (kids and adults) and they are strategies that can be used anytime and anywhere. Have fun with each skill and try to find opportunities to practice the skills together throughout the day. Although academics are often a priority, our children will not be able to access their academic skills if they are not feeling calm and safe. We will not be able to most effectively parent and teach them if we are not at a calm state. Each day, you will receive more specific information on how to use the daily skill. Please take care of yourself and your children and know that these resources are to support you rather than to overwhelm you. The daily emails are also a way to stay connected during this isolated time. Treat each daily email as you would with an email ad you may receive from a store...when there is time and an interest, read it thoroughly. During other days, skim and get the main idea. During other days, there are just other priorities- that is OK. Use the emails to meet the needs of you and your family but know that the well-being of your family is the priority. We are here to support you through this. Please know that we are all in this together. Please be patient with yourself and practice self-care as the level of stress in all of our homes may be higher than usual. We are here for you during this time. We hope this can be an opportunity for some extra bonding with your family to create memories that will last forever. Together we will get through this. We hope you and your family stay safe and healthy during this time off from school. Sincerely, Marissa Lloyd, LPCMH #COVID19 #childrensmentalhealth #visualschedule #behaviorchart #childrenscopingskills